LetterFrom Yard - Humor

Dear Family Overseas,

As you know Jamaica just experienced the ravages of
hurricane Dean. Many homes were destroyed.
Although from the window of my New Kingston
apartment the damage appeared to be minimal, I later
saw pictures of the devastation in the Daily Observer. It
reminded me to thank God for his mercy on my family,
friends and myself.

I have said all of that to remind you that a remittance is in
order. Western Union, Jamaica National and the banks are
back in business. In addition to the money I want I have
prepared my little shopping list for the barrel(s) unno
need to send me.

HURRICANE RELIEF SUPPLY

-One flat screen tv – no less than 32”
-One portable DVD player – without the electricity boredom
would a kill me
-DVDs of course!
-One MP3 player with FM stereo pon it – the ipod wah unno
send ongly play music me couldn’t get fi hear who and who
dead, wah kill dem, weh dem a loot and if me mi did haffi go
back a wuck inna the week.
-One Sony digital camera no less than 8 megapixels – cause
right now me coulda enter the Gleaner competition fi de bess
hurricane pickcha
-One SONY digital video recorder – cause me sure TVJ and
CVM woulda pay fi me footage of ol’ Ms Maud cross de road
a run dung the road wid two sheet a zinc weh blow offa Barry
roof. Fi a 92 year old she tief bad!
-One a de regular ol time plug een phone dem cause if me
did have one me an di liad gyal June coulda labba labba through
it all cause Cable and Wireless never bruck dung! The portable
ting nah cut it if me a prepare fi hurricane.
-Mi hear sey dem have flashlight weh you shake up and it light
up – send few a dem come – a me one live but you know how
it go – mi might can sell dem –fi do me hair.
-By the way one battery operated flat iron set cause a couldn’t
get fe curl me weave – good thing me have nuff wig – yu shoulda
see me when me step out Monday mawning after Dean – still hot!
By de way, tell de ol’ worthless Barrington sey the converter sinting
weh him sen last time never wuck. Yu should a see me like eediat
inna me car a try hot lickle water inna mi ‘lectric kekkle – so send
one good one a dat.
As a matter a fac’ mi want the lickle plug in sinting wey yu can drop
inn de tea cup and hot the water
Mi want rechargeable batteries – AA, AAA and D
Mi want battery charger fi de battery dem.
Mi need a wireless internet card because me coulda deh pon MSN pon
mi laptop
Mi need couple Swifer mops because me hand did a get tired fi squeeze
out dem yah when the water blow under me door.
Mi need some a the really big and stylish scented candles – check
Pier 1 Imports them always have.

JUST IN CASE ME HAVE TO GO A SHELTER:

One Baby Phat overalls – in case the roof goes – cause yu done
know mi haffi look good
One Prada bag – big enough fi hole me dry goods wey mi a carry
go shelter
Check if Jimmy Choo mek wata boots too!

Mi Love unno hear! Mi know sey unno understand mi needs cause
unno go true Katrina – mi nuh know how unno dweet! But mi know
unno understand wah me go through without these relief supplies.
Sarry sey me never ask from when if unno get house wet? But
everything muss criss fi unno – a farin unno live. Tings nuh haard
like out yah so me not even haffi ask.

Precious!

PS. Since me been home fi the few days me realize sey me can’t tek the
coarse sheet set them. Go up a Macy’s ask them fi dem “Hotel
Collection” bed linen – pick up few a de Egyptian Cotton one
dem fi me. Arright?

Miss Jamaica World Crowned

Miss Jamaica World, Yendi Phillips, will represent the island
at the Miss World Pageant in Shanghai, China on
December 1. She was crowned at last Saturday's staging
before a capacity crowd that seemed to be all hers and
without a question; she totally dominated the contests.
Phillips was the Most Aware, got the highest votes from
the public and won three of the four mini-competitions.
The mini-competitions were comprised of, the talent
competition, the Supreme Ventures Miss Jamaica World
(MJW) Sport and the Ting MJW Beach Beauty titles.

Gay Protest Mars Reggae Carifest 2007

Gays protested the annual Reggae Carifest held this
Saturday in New York because Buju Banton and
Bounty Killer were billed for the show. The City Parks
Department said in a statement prior to the event that
all performers signed a code of conduct agreeing to
refrain from performing anti-gay lyrics, at the
promoter’s request.

With pressure from the gay rights activist, Power 105.1,
owned by radio giant Clear Channel Communications Inc.
withdrew their sponsorship from the show. Glaad said in
a statement that, "It is unacceptable for Clear Channel,
the concert promoters, and the other sponsors to provide
these performers with a platform to promote messages
that would put lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered
people in harm's way."

Zinc Fence - Humor

A LITTLE GIRL LIVED WITH HER GRANDMOTHER IN
THE COUNTRY SIDE

THE LITTLE GIRL WOULD GO TO CATCH WATER AT A
STAND PIPE WHERE SHE WOULD HAVE SEX WITH HER
BOYFRIEND THRU A ZINC FENCE.

ONE MORNING, THE GRANDMA ASKED "WHY EVERYTIME
YOU GO TO CATCH WATER I NOTICE
YOU LIFT YOUR SKIRT AND TURNED YOUR BOTTOM TO
THE FENCE'?

THE YOUNG GIRL STAMMERED FOR AWHILE AND THEN
REPLIED "GRANDMA EVERYTIME I GO TO CATCH WATER
A COW LICK MY BOTTOM AND IT FEELS NICE"

GRANDMA REPLIED "'REALLY! WELL I WANT TO FEEL HOW
NICE IT IS WHY YOU KEEP DOING IT'

THE NEXT DAY THE GRANDMA WENT TO THE STAND PIPE
TO CATCH WATER AT THE SAME TIME THE YOUNG GIRL
ALWAYS DID. SHE LIFTED HER SKIRT AND TURNED HER
BOTTOM TO THE FENCE.

WHEN THE "ROD" REACHED GRANDMA SHE BAWLED OUT
"NO NO NO THIS IS NOT THE TONGUE THIS MUST BE THE HORN!!!!"

Ato Matsumoto Sneakers

Hi-tops by Ato Matsumoto. They come in three colorways
red, black and white. The sneakers has 2 velcro straps
and come in a mix of patent leather and premium leather.
Let’s see if these puppies will be in stores outside of Japan
ny time soon.

Louis Vuitton “Millionaire” Sunglasses Relaunched

The sunglasses designed by Pharrell Williams
and Nigo a while back, called the Millionaire,
have now been relaunched by Louis Vuitton in
some fresh new colorways. They will be available
in a light blue colorway, purple and again in black.
For those of you that missed out before, here is
another chance to get them again. But if you cannot
get at the Louis Vuitton store, be prepared to pay a grip.

Ron English/play set products/Plaza Paris Bearbricks

Medicom Toy has just unveiled their upcoming
collaborative toys set to release in the near feature.
The toys include a design by British prankster
pop-artist Ron English (100% and 400%), Japanese
plush-toy makers play set products (100% and 400%)
and Japanese retailer Plaza (100%).

Keisha Cole sophomore album"Just Like You"

Keyshia Cole, is set to release her album on
September 25th, 2007. The Benny Boom-directed
video for the first single, "Let It Go," featuring Missy Elliot
and Lil' Kim, shows the Oakland native's party side
with the fun-infused Missy Elliott produced track.

Since her last album release Keyshia Cole has been busy
diversifying her career. She has a starring role in the
upcoming MTV film "How She Moves," and is currently
working on season two of her BET reality show called "The
Way It Is 2" which is Executive Produced by Keyshia and her
manager Manny Halley.

Keyshia is all set for the promotion of Just Like You putting
the final touches on a multi-city House of Blues tour.

Keyshia's 2005 release of The Way It Is achieved critical acclaim
from a slew of major media outlets including:
Rolling Stone –that said, "Cole serves up grit beyond her years."

Her recent appearance on P. Diddy's hit single "Last Night," has
already garnered award nominations from The Bet Awards and
the upcoming Teen Choice Awards and is sure to receive more
nominations with her confident 70ish vocals on the track.

Hurricane Dean Pummels Jamaica

Torrential rains and gusting winds pound Jamaica as
the island receives the full brunt of Hurricane Dean.
Many island residents ignored pleas from officials to
abandon their homes and seek shelter. But by 6:00am
on Monday morning neighborhoods came alive again,
with residents assessing damages, bailing out water,
cleaning up and clearing the streets in front of their
homes. Many residents lost their roofs, not to mention
the constant state of current discomfort without
running water or electricity in many areas still by Tuesday.

Solidarity in its best form is what the aftermath of this
hurricane has brought to Jamaican communities. Each one
is now being encouraged to lend a helping hand to others
in need following the storm.

REGGAE CARIFEAST

RockersNYC Fall/Winter 2007 “Kilimanjaro” Preview

NYC based dread meets punk rockers.
RockersNYC have been building a steady following
over the past few years by staying true to their vision.
This season RockersNYC are exploring the many
subcultures they draw influence from; be it politricks,
Rasta, 80s hardcore, stoner metal, pop culture or
beyond — RockersNYC captures them and bring their
visions to life on the Dopethrone.

As part of their “rootsadelica” Fall/Winter 2007 season
the Dopethrone, RockerNYC will be releasing t-shirts
and cut & sew full-zip hoodies (made in Japan!) featuring
the psychedelic, mountain-inspired Kilimanjaro print.
The first shipment will be in stores mid-September.

Margus Garvey a True Role Model

The Honorable Marcus Mosiah Garvey. Born in the
island of Jamaica Aug. 17th 1887, he has left us
with a very rich legacy in commitment, justice,
honesty, hard work and devotion. Garvey cared for
all humanity and gave his life’s work to that section
of humanity that needed him the most, the African
people of the world from whom he was descended.

Garvey grew up in St Ann's Jamaica and later moved
to the capital Kingston at the age of 16, filled with
dreams, vision, inexperience and youthful exuberance.
Many of his later ideas had already begun to be
formalized in his head and he left for Central and South
America five years later at the age of 23 in 1910. There he
saw more of the suffering and oppression of African people
which had earlier stirred his emotions and imaginations
and his life's journey was well under way, leaving for
England in 1912 to join his sister there.

It is in England that Garvey honed his Political skills, getting
involved in public oratory, journalism and political activism.
From there he visited several other European countries, which
strengthened his resolve to seek the Blackman's redemption.
He left England in June 1914 and headed back to Jamaica his
head brimming with ideas and full of possibilities. It was on the
ship back to Jamaica that his Covenant and his Mission dawned
upon him like a bolt of lightening and his life's purpose was
forged in the crucible of the reality of the times and that night
as he lay in his bed on the high seas he asked himself aloud
"Where is the Blackman's Government?", "Where is his King and
Kingdom?", "Where is his President, his Country, his Ambassador,
his Army, his Navy, his men of Big Affairs". He immediately realised
he woud have to do it, if it was to be a reality and set himself the
motto "Up you Mighty Race, Accomplish What You Can" and this he
did with all his might and strength and resolve.

The Rastafari movement developed together with Marcus Garvey
and the UNIA and his prophecy before he left for England in 1928
was to "Look to the East a King would be crowned and that
would be your sign" and so the Coronation of
His Imperial Majesty Emperor Haile Sellassie of Ethiopia took
place on November 2nd 1930 and so began in it's modern
incarnation our beloved and blessed RASTAFARI NATION.

The simple message of Marcus Garvey to each and everyone of us is
thus "Each man is entirely responsible for his own fate. His success or
failure in life depends solely on the extent to which he applies his
intelligence and industry. He has no one else or a superior being, God
for example, to blame but himself. What is true of the individual
applies also to a race." God and Man 1929.

Supercat assaults stage manager over racism

Shortly before his appearance on stage at Trinidad
and Tobago’s MOB II Club, in Chaguaramas, "The
Original Don Dadda" Supercat, reportedly struck the
stage manager of "The Super Chutney Show" pushing
him to the ground. Supercat just could not "settle" with
racial abuse flung his way by the prominent
businessman, Wendell Naipaul.

Supercat, whose real name is William Maragh reportedly
said to the audience, "I box down the promoter because
him wha dis super Cat. Me ain't come Trinidad fi get mix
up in no racism."

The "Wild Apache" performed for an extra 30 minutes,
before making his exit. On his final song, which had the
phrase "I'm Leaving On a Jet Plane," Supercat walked off the
stage into the audience and made his way while still singing
straight to the parking lot and his car. He left before police
could question him on the fracas.

Naipaul has not pressed charges and Supercat left Trinidad and
Tobago the following day, customs officials said.

Beenie Man Storms D’Angel’s Office

Beenie Man and an entourage from 3
57 Entertainment stormed into D'Angel's
office in New Kinston on Tuesday, taking
her furniture and dismantling the office.
Almost every media house was present
including business people from the area
witnessing this event. A van and a truckload
of furniture could be seen trying to leave the
premises, however D'Angel arrived in-time
and blocked the drive way with her car.

Unfortunately, Beenie Man was not
able to leave with any of the furniture because her
lawyer arrived with an affidavit to stop him. He was
attempting to take two computers, a living room
set, two desks, two chairs, and a TV.

Devil's Sister - Humor

This woman had a husband who had come
home drunk every payday. He had to walk
past a graveyard to reach home. She decided
to scare him out of his bad ways so one payday
she put a white sheet over herself and hid in the
graveyard. As he was passing she jumped out
into the road and at the top of her voice shouted:
"Ahoooooooo! Ahoooooooo!". Staggering and with
slurred speech the man peered at the figure and
said: "Who the hell is that?" "I am the devil", she
replied. The man smiled broadly and advanced with
hand outstretched: "Damned pleased to meet you.
I'm Harold Jones. I married your sister."

Adidas Poker Pack

Here comes the Adidas Consortium (their limited
edition premium collection) Poker Pack to be
released in August. A tribute to the probably world
fastest growing sport activity - Poker. They took the
decision to come up with a world poker series pack
which underlines the three main gambling
destinations - Macau (Asia), Las Vegas( US), and
Monaco / Monte Carlo (EU). This pack is mainly inspired
by the respective chips / jartons. The pack has nice details,
but just like with the recently released Reebok Poker Pack,
we are also not big fans of this one.

West Indies in South Africa for the Twenty/20 World Cup.

The Jamaican trio of Chris Gayle, Marlon Samuels
and Darren Powell have been included in the West
Indies team to compete in the first ever ICC/Twenty
20 World Cup which bowls off in South Africa on
September 11.

West Indies, who now rank seventh in the one day
version is drawn in group A' of the Competition and
will open their account against hosts South Africa on
September 11 at the Wanderers Stadium in Johannesburg.

Both teams have never met in this format of the game
before, and the only recent limited overs clash between them
was back in the ICC/World Cup in the Caribbean in April, where
the South Africans defeated the Caribbean side by 67 runs at
St. Georges, in Grenada.

Each group consists of three teams and the Ramnaresh Sarwan
led side will face minnows Bangladesh on September 13 in
their second game.

De Crotchless Panties - Humor

This Jamaican woman felt that her love life
was slipping because her husband had no
more interest in sex. While shopping one day,
she passed an adult shop and saw some
crotchless panties, so she decided to buy one
and try to use it to excite and seduce him.

That evening she took a long bath, put on a
favorite perfume, and then she put on a sexy
negligee and her new crotchless panties. Then
she slithered into the room where her husband
was watching TV as usual.

She stands right in front of him, with one foot
resting high on the ottoman, negligee wide open,
and whispers "yu wah some a dis?".

Her husband looks up at her wide-eyed and says.
"No sah, yu mad, yuh nuh see wha it do to yu panty!"

Wallabee Wool Pack

The Wallabee is this type of shoe, that will always
be around. Every couple of seasons it seems to be
in fashion again and the time has come again. They
just came out with the new Wallabee Wool Pack. The
pack consists of two style Wallabee, both have dark
gray wool on the upper. One mixes the wool with brown
leather, the other one with black. It’s definitely a Fall
shoe, but the nice weather is over soon.

Sipho Gets Married - Humor

Sipho gets married and on his wedding night
he calls his Father for some tips on what to do,
since he has never been with a woman before.
So what do I do first?

His father: Take her clothes off and lay her on the
bed. 5 minutes later Sipho's on the phone again.
She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?

His father can't believe what he is hearing, Take
your damn clothes off and get into bed with her.
After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone
again. Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do
I do now?

His dad's patience is now running thin so he says,
Sh$t son, do I have to spell everything out for you?
Just put the hardest thing on your body where she
pees. Good night!!!

Just when the old man starts snoring, his son is on
the phone once again. Ok Dad, I have my head in
the toilet bowl what do I do next?

DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY IDIOT!

Jamaican Lottery Winner - Humor

Recently, this Jamaican won the 10 million
special lottery for a dollar. As soon as the
office of the Lottery Corporation was open
on the following day, he was there to collect
his winnings.

Graciously, he presented his winning ticket to
the clerk and in his best English uttered his
request "Me cum fi collect the 10 millian dallars,
si me ticket ya".

After reviewing and checking the ticket with his
manager, the clerk returned and requested on
how he would like his payments. The Jamaican
replied, "Mi wan all a de money now".

"Unfortunately, Sir" the nervous clerk responded,
"The procedures are that we can only give you one
million now and the balance equally over the next
20 years".

Furious and agitated, the Jamaican asked for the
manager, who re-iterated "Sir, my assistant is correct,
it is the regulation of the corporation that we initially
pay you one million dollars now with the balance paid
to you equally over the next 20 years".

Outraged, the Jamaican slammed his hand on the desk
and shouted in anger, "Oonu tek me fi idiat, me wan all a
de money now or oonu gi me bak me dallar!!"