Di Waiter, Spoon & String - HUMOR

We are a upper class Jamaican family, so last week,
in keeping with our status we took some friends
out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter
who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However,
when the headwaiter brought out water and utensils,
I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then
I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had
spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,
"Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "well sah, the
American restaurant owner dem recently hire some expert
an' dem lay dung procedure fi everyting whe wi duh.
Them look at di statistics an' find dat customers drop them
spoon 73.84 procent more orffen than any ada utensil sah,
whe dem call a "drop frequency" of 'bout 3 spoon ah table
ah hour.

So ef di waitah carry spoon, we can reduce the numbah ah
trips back to di kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours ah shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able
to replace it with his spare spoon. "Mi wi get a nex' spoon
next time mi go inna di kitchen instead ah mi fi mek ah extra
trip figo get it right now."

I was rather impressed.

The waiter served our main course and I continued to look
around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string
hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed
that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their
flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked
off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why
you have that string right there?"

"Yes sah!" he answered, lowering his voice.

"Nobaddy else eva notice di string! Di consulting firm mi tel
you bout, dem fine out sey wi can save some time inna di
restroom."

"How?" I asked.

"Yuh see," he continued, "by tying di string onto di tip of wi
you know what, we can pull it out over the toilet widout we
haffi touch it and that way we noh haffi wash wi hand, an
cut dung pon di time wi spen' inna di restroom
by 76.39 percent.">

"Okay, that makes sense," I responded. "But ... if the string
helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "Mi
noh know 'bout dem ada one, but yu see mee sah...ah di
spoon me use ."

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